Story of a Lonely Guy
by CSI Battosai
Summary: GC songfic to Story of a Lonely guy by blink 182. Grissom reflects on his secret crush...It was intended to be a oneshot, but I added a chapter from Cath's POV. [COMPLETE]
1. Story of a Lonely Guy

**Summary: Songfic to 'Story of a Lonely Guy' by Blink 182. Grissom reflects on his secret crush…GC Oneshot**

**A/N: I was listening to 'Story of a Lonely Guy' by Blink 182 and this story idea popped into my mind, I decided to start writing on it right away or I might lose it! And all the bad words are starred out. Ha ha. R&R please. Flames accepted. It's from Grissom's POV. And any typos are mine because I have no beta. TT**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or the song 'Story of a Lonely Guy' by Blink 182.**

…_TEXT_… Song lyrics

**Story of a Lonely Guy**

By: CSIBattosai

As I looked at her I couldn't help feeling a wave of sadness. I've never had a great personal life, or actually any personal life. Maybe a dinner date here and there but they meant nothing. Unless I was with her. Catherine Willows. God, we've been through so much. Sometimes I can't take much more of it, hiding my feelings, but it's what I've always done.

…_Push it out, fake a smile_

_  
Avert disaster, just in time_

_  
I need a drink, cause in a while_

_  
Worthless answer from friends of mine_

_  
It's dumb to ask, cool to ignore_

_  
Girls posses me, but they're never mine_

_  
I made my entrance, avoided hazards_

_  
Checked my engine, I fell behind_…

So looking at her now pains me, just like it always does when I have to do something that upsets her, like taking her off a case. And it's eating me apart inside,

…_I fell behind_…

When she's upset I am too. It's like her emotions are contagious, but only to me. She's looking back at me now. "Are you okay, Gil?" For a moment I almost say what's on my mind, but I recover. "Oh…I'm sorry Cath. I'm just kinda' tired." Her face switches to one of concern. "You want me to drive you home?" "No, I'm fine. I'll just finish my shift and head on home." She nods, still worried, but walks away to continue processing evidence.

…_She makes me feel like it's raining outside _

_  
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside _

_  
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom_

_  
I get too scared to move,' cause I'm a f' boy_…

I finished my shift without much interruption. I spent most of it sorting through papers trying to find my notebook. I really need to get more organized. I see Catherine walk towards the parking lot because her shift is over, which also happens to be when mine ends, so I walked with her.

We walk silently towards our cars that are parked next to each other. I'm going to tell her. I am. "Cath-" "Griss-" We said at the same time. A blush finds its way into both of our cheeks. "You first," she says. "Cath," I pause, "um…Have a safe drive home." She smiles and shakes her head. "You stole my thunder." She opens her car door, starts the car, and drives away, with me still staring after her. I whimped out…again. How much more of this can a guy take?

…_Remember when I was in the grocery store, now's my time_

_  
Lost the words, lost my nerve, lost the girl, left the line_

_  
I would wish upon a star, but that star, it doesn't shine_

_  
So read my book with a boring ending_

_  
A short story of a lonely guy_...

It takes me a moment to stop staring at the emptiness where her car used to be. I get into my car and drive, but not to my townhouse, which Catherine affectionately calls a 'condo'.

…_Who fell behind_…

My mind is racing. I'm thinking about my team. About Nick's enthusiasm that makes him a great CSI. He's gonna' go places, but he's so modest about it. That just makes him even better. Warrick. He's a gambler, sure, but he's never let it affect his job. Not even when I thought it was, I was wrong. Greg. He's new to the field, but he's doing fine. He did great too back at the lab, but he loves the field.

And who could not notice Sara's schoolgirl crush on me? Even I've noticed it! Sometimes I lead her on by accident by being nice; after all she is my friend, but nothing more than that. But most of all, I'm thinking about Catherine. She was born for this job. She can get frustrated sometimes because of it, but that just shows her passion. She's strong, too. No can argue that.

And God forbid, I'm driving toward her house. It's like I'm on auto pilot and I can't stop myself. What am I doing? I'm getting out of the car now. I'm knocking on the door, and it's opening.

…_She makes me feel like it's raining outside_

_  
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside_

_  
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom_

_  
I get too scared to move, 'cause I'm a f boy_…

"Gil?" she asks. "What are you doing here? Are you okay!" I assure her I'm perfectly alright, that I just need to talk to her. She opens the door wider. "Uh, sure. Come on in. Lindsey's at a friend's house right now." She lies down on a couch. "So what do you need?"

I walk over to a chair near where she's laying and sit. "Well, it's just that I need to tell you something." My words come out sounding nervous, which I am. Being nervous is totally unlike the usual Gil Grissom I pretend to be. The Gil Grissom everyone knows is emotionless. He can't feel love or be nervous. But that's just a façade. Catherine's my best friend and she knows something's up. I can tell by her eyes. She knows me almost as well as I know myself.

Almost.

"Okay. Shoot."

"Cath…I…"

…_She makes me feel like it's raining outside_

_  
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside_

_  
I'm always nervous on, days like this like the prom_

_  
I get too scared to move, 'cause I'm still just a stupid worthless boy_…

But can't do it, no matter hard I try. I just can't. And I'm pretty sure she likes me back…But I just can't say the three words that I want to say so bad. I. Love. You.

I love you, Catherine Willows. I always have and I always will.

**So what do you think? I really wanted to make it a happy ending fic, but the song is a sad song and I decided that this was good too. Should I make another in Catherine's POV? R&R please! And e-mail me if you want to chat!**


	2. I'm Lost Without You

**AN/Summary: Okay! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys really made my day! I mean it! Those reviews made me super happy! . Anyway, since people liked my story, I decided to do one from Catherine's POV. It uses the song 'I'm Lost Without You' by Blink 182 (I tried to stick with Blink 182 and this fits her and the situation really well I think). 'm like addicted to writing songfics…lolz I guess it's because songs really hit home with me. Ah well! And again, all typos are mine! So if I make a mistake please e-mail me and tell me so. Enjoy! R&R! Flames accepted!**

**Coolcatz- Your wish is my command! This chappie is from Catherine's POV. You get to see what she thinks and feels. Hope you like it! And thanks for the review!**

**DrusillaBraun- Hope you like this! This will be the last chapter since it works that way. Enjoy!**

**Ibreak4CSI- THANK YOU! You absolutely rock! Hope you like this chappie!**

**D.M.A.S.- This isn't supposed to be a happy fic, but I will write one with a happy ending for you. Promise.**

**Loviegurlie- Thanks! I tried to stick close to the character's personality, so I'm glad you think I did a good job of that. Hope you like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or the song 'I'm Lost Without You' by Blink 182.**

…_TEXT_… Song lyrics

**Chapter 2: I'm Lost Without You**

By: CSI Battosai

… _I swear that I can go on forever again_

_  
Please let me know that my one bad day will end_

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I will go down as your lover, your friend_

_  
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin_...

Gil Grissom. I know you're staring at me. but is the reason why the reason I want it to be? That Gruesome Grissom can love? The he could love me? But it doesn't matter, I have to push these thoughts to the back of my mind or I might slip up and reveal myself.

The words come from my mouth automatically. Hiding my feelings has become almost second nature to me. I _have_ been doing it for the past, oh God, how long has it been? Twenty years I think. Yeah, that's right.

I see his eyes flicker with something I can't recognize before it disappears and he looks normal. Did I imagine it? I must not have had enough coffee to wake me up this morning…

"Oh…I'm sorry Cath. I'm just kinda' tired," he said. Gil was usually tired, but it never affected his work. Ever. I'm his best friend. Grissom has his own language…sort of. But I've learned to understand some of the hidden meaning behind his actual words. When Grissom says "tired" it usually means one of two things: that he's just sleepy, or that he's about to collapse from exhaustion.

Or maybe what he said was just a flimsy excuse…Ah! Well, maybe. But I really didn't want to chance it at the moment. I decide to go on the safe side. "You want me to drive you home?" If Grissom was "tired" meaning he was going to collapse, then I didn't want him to just fall asleep while driving home.

… _Are you afraid of being alone_

_  
'Cause I am, I'm lost without you_

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Are you afraid of leaving tonight_

_  
'Cause I am, I'm lost without you_…

"No, I'm fine. I'll just finish my shift and head on home." I'm still kinda' worried, but I take his word for it, nod, and leave to sort through some evidence on a recent case.

Processing evidence is the last thing on my mind right now. My body performs the actions that I'm accustomed to: checking for blood, and bagging evidence off this guys clothing that he voluntarily gave us. But I'm really thinking about _him_.

I knew that we had some chemistry even from the time we met. I could sense it. It was there. And it still is. I've known I've loved him. And I'm thinking he likes me back, but he keeps sending me mixed signals. But I think he does.

… _I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you_

_  
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you_

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Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming_

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And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this_…

So my shift finally ends and I'm walking towards the parking lot when he suddenly appears next to me. I must not have noticed him, because I was too busy thinking _about_ him. Each step we take plunges us deeper into silence, but I'm not sure why.

Our cars are parked next to each other. I can almost see the battle he's fighting with himself inside his head. His eyes tell his whole story. That's the one part of his body that he can't make seem emotionless. And they're so intense. I love them.

He's going to say something, and I just jinxed it. "Cath-" "Griss-" We both say at the exact same time. I want to hear what he was going to say, but I highly doubt he's actually going to say it _now_. The confidence he had in his eyes is gone.

"You first," I manage to say, hoping the confidence he had will come back, but it doesn't. "Cath," he pauses, as if contemplating what words to use. "Um…have a safe drive home."

That definitely wasn't what he was going to say. And I don't know what to do, so I manage to smile and shake my head. "You stole my thunder." But he didn't. I was going to blurt it out. That I love him. That I love Gil Grissom.

… _Are you afraid of being alone_

_  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_

_  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight_

_  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_…

I get into my car and turn the key. I hear the engine start and I drive out of the parking lot. From my rearview mirror I can see him staring at my retreating car. Why is he staring like that? I wish I could see his eyes…

The drive home is spent with me thinking about how Gil and I met. I'm starting to analyze everything he's said to me. What does it all mean? Has he left me clues that I haven't yet found? Because I'm almost sure of the fact he likes me back. The more I think about it the more certain I become. But what if I'm wrong? He's always sending mixed signals. I could be just misinterpreting his intentions. I shake the thought away, distracting myself with other thoughts.

When I get home, I throw my shoes off and turn the TV on. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I flip through until I find a rerun Animal Planet show that focuses on bugs. That brings my thoughts to Grissom. Argh! I can't get him outta' my head! I chuckle. Just more proof to the fact that I'm in love with my best friend.

… _Are you afraid of being alone_

_  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_

_  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight_

_  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_

_  
Are you afraid of being alone_

_  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_

_Are you afraid of leaving tonight_

_  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you_…

I hear a knock on my door. No one visits me. We don't even get that many guests. A few of Lindsey's friends, but that's about it. I flip the TV off and shuffle to the door. I open it. It's Grissom.

My first thought is that something's wrong. I'm always the one going to him, asking him for advice and what not. He would usually never visit me unless it was important, right? My mind races to what might be the reason he's here. Gil?" I ask him. "What are you doing here? Are you okay!" He tells me that he's fine and that he just needs to talk to me.

That's right. Needs. Not wants, but needs.

I open the door wider for him to come in. I'm still dressed in the clothes I wore to work, which happened to be a black tank top and black slacks. "Uh, sure. Come on in. Lindsey's at a friend's house right now." I throw myself onto the couch, knowing he'll take the chair nearest to me to chat. "So what do you need?"

As I predicted, he sits in the chair nearest to me. "Well, it's just that I need to tell you something." The confidence is back…somewhat. I know something's up. After all, he's my best friend. My mind is going crazy trying to take all of this in. The room begins to spin, but I blink a few times and the room returns to normal. I'm nervous. What's he going to say? I hope that it's that he loves me.

"Cath…I…"

He never finishes. I will never know what he's going to say. His eyes now look disappointed and sad. If I could ever read minds, I wish I could now. I wish I knew what he's thinking. But I know what I'm thinking.

I love you, Gil Grissom. I always have and I always will.

**Hey! Hope you liked it! R&R please! And feel free to e-mail me if you just wanna' chat!**


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